The Normie Guide to Islam
Islam ( 私たちはおそらくあなたを殺すでしょう ) is a shitty knockoff anime. The entire script of Islam is called the Quran and is kept locked up in a safe in a giant black box made out of stone at the very exact center of the earth. People who partake in Islam are called Muslims (which rhymes with Mussolini, so he must have been a Muslim also). Every single Muslim ever believes that Muhammad and his main nigga Gabriel one day decided to do like 20 lines of cocaine and write the Quran. All Muslims would unironically sleep with Muhammad (Ironic No Homo, but you still have The Gay) if given the chance. Many other fake stories of what really happened in that penthouse suite between Muhammad and Gabriel are circulating around the web, and you could probably find a thread on 8chan if you looked hard enough. Basically almost 80% percent of Muslims think that Muhammed's first bastard retard child should get to tell them what to do, and the other ones thought that Muhammed's second bastard retard child should get to tell them what to do. It doesn't really matter, so basically the two sides just split ways, even though the first group could totally demolish in a fight to the death. Oh yeah, also all of the Mulims except for the ones living in Turkey hate the Jews, and the ones living in Turkey also hate the Jews. Another fact is that like the country with the most Muslims is Indonesia, which would explain why it's such a shithole. Those Executives who are all probably Jewish (peace be upon Them) Muslims have this delusional idea that one hundred thousand billion (100,000,000,000,000) a bunch of other wealthy executives got together to have a boxing match, and Muhammad was the one that won, because he has lots of libido and large muscles and also has a bunch of sex slaves. This isn't true. What really happened is that every single executive got together to have a thumb-wrestling tournament against themselves, and the person who lost won would have to get to be in charge of all the Muslims. First came Adam, then his totally unrelated and not a gay sex partner Enoch, then their bastard son Noah, then Eber and Salah who also totally weren't in a sexual relationship together, then Abraham (who is actually a pretty cool dude, he helps me with my math homework after we're done in the broom closet), then Lot, then Ishmael, then Isaac, then Jacob, then Joseph, then Job, then Ezekiel, then Jethro, then Moses (that one dude who can spread apart the water like he does with my great-grandmothers dusty vagina), then Aaron which rhymes with Anteater, then David, then Solomon, then Jonah (who actually is a Furry), then Elijah, then Elisha, then Zechariah, then John, then Jesus (who is a colossal faggot), and finally Muhammed. Because Muhammed was the last in line to thumb-wrestle himself, he had pretty much figured out how to win. So with a flick of the wrist and a blink of the eye, Muhammed basically just sucked himself dry. Because all the other executives didn't want everybody else to know that they were having Homosexual relations, they took pity on Muhammed and basically just said that he could have the Muslims. Those pillars which, like me, aren't actually supporting anything So basically Muslims tell each other that they need to do 5 things before they can kill themselves in an alley. The first thing they need to do is to tell everyone around them that they do in fact believe that Allah is the only person who knows what is going to happen in Season 7. The second is to watch every new episode the second it comes out, which happens 5 times a day (which sucks, so don't become a Muslim unless you like getting buttfucked in doggy style). The third thing that Muslims need to do is give literally 2.5% of all of the money that the own to the studio, which is basically just a huge scam. Next is they have to not eat for a whole month and just surround themselves with even more Islam merchandise than usual. Finally, there's that thing where you have to travel to the center of the earth and take part in the biggest nonstop orgy in the world (seriously, its been going on since like seven thousand hundred years ago). Apart from that, being a Muslim is pretty easy, you should totally try it. The best part is that if you're a guy you get to fuck children, goats, random women, kill homeless people, behead your multiple wives if you feel like it, take plane rides to America, and all sorts of awesome shit. All the other shit Honestly who cares... Category:Normie Guides Category:Spotlighted Articles Category:Good Articles